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Posts Tagged ‘flirting advice’

I showed you why humor, particularly the timing of it, was so important in flirting. Now I’d like to show you the final piece of your arsenal – how you walk away with YOU on her mind!

You’ve found a nice young lady who has been swayed by your charms all night. Sounds good right? You are doing it well… but you have to leave. Or she does.

So what should you do? Obviously, asking her out for another date would be the wise thing to do. But past simplifying things, it’s a matter of HOW you do it that makes it effective.

Many guys fumble here. It’s understandable in many cases, as most men aren’t in tune with what is happening during a flirtation anyhow. If you are aware, it’s rather easy to do, as you’ll know if she’s interested in you.

The most important thing to watch for are nonverbal cues. If the right ones are present, you should be able to continue with another day.

The best way is to be direct.

– “Might I have your phone number so we can meet again soon?” — “Would you like to meet me for coffee sometimes this next week?”

Being indirect about it tends to create apprehension. I’m not a big fan of saying something like “I really enjoyed talking to you and would like to do so again.” I believe in getting to the point of the matter.

If you’ve made a strong enough impression, you might be lucky enough for her to ask YOU for your number. That happening is really rare though – so definitely don’t count on it! And sometimes when this happens, she is trying to actually get rid of you!

A sneaky trick that might be worth trying is to let her know that you like a woman who isn’t constrained by societal rules. Be it a “free spirit”, or a liberated woman, acknowledging that it is acceptable to be that way might just convince her to close you. But again, don’t count on it.

So be direct, and confident. If you’ve done your work, you have very little to fear in regards to rejection!

This concludes this part of the series on flirting. In the next article, I’ll discuss how to put it all together – the verbal and non verbal aspects of flirting, and how you should go about practicing them.

In the last article of this series, I showed you how reciprocal disclosure was a powerful tool in your flirting arsenal. In this article, I’m going to show you how the use of humor is a powerful tool, but one that needs to be used with caution.

On the good side, if you use humor well, you are seen as far more likable by women.

On the bad side? You can kill an encounter instantly with poor use of humor.

Let’s get further into this. If you are light hearted with your humor, it will elevate the attraction and trust she’ll feel in you. It will deflate the anxiety and allow a relaxed mood to prevail.

If you mistime a joke, or use a risque joke too early, you’ll do just the opposite as stated above. Odds are, you’ll alienate her if not enough intimacy has been established.

You have to pay attention here. Timing is the most critical part of humor, and humor is intrinsic to flirting. You need to know it.

You need to establish that you can be playful and lighthearted with her on some level. If you don’t have the ability to be that way with her, the relationship could be in trouble.

If you can establish this early, it’s great. In fact, the earlier the better! You can try an opener laced with humor to get things going.

For example, if it’s pouring and you mention how lovely the weather is, and she’s already signaled nonverbally that she’s interested, then you’ll get a positive response that takes the awkwardness out of the meeting.

Once mutual attraction is established, then the using humor will be natural to the both of you. The natural instinct is to make the other person stay interested, and by making them smile, it’s a positive affirmation towards that.

A good technique is playful teasing. It’s common, accepted, and it allows both parties to give personal details in a light and fun manner. Reciprocal disclosure can happen in this manner too.

The biggest mistakes you can make is to go to extremes while using humor. For example, using too much humor, or monopolizing the joke telling. That goes along with the article on turn taking – it’s very important to acknowledge that rule.

And don’t worry if a woman doesn’t joke along with you the whole time. Women will have a tendency to under use humor or be subtle about it. Look for her signs of interest, rather than if she jokes back.

Watch for her signals, as they’ll be your guide in getting it right. With some practice, you’ll be able to time jokes well and make her smile easily. Keep on it! Watch for under doing it, or worse, over doing it.

In the coming article of this series, I’ll show you how to walk away with you still on her mind!

Reciprocal disclosure, as I mentioned in the last article of the series, is an extraordinarily powerful weapon as far as your flirting goes. In this article, I’ll show you an equally powerful tool – humor – and how it should be used, but with a bit of caution.

The good part of humor is that if you use it correctly, women will enjoy your company more.

On the bad side? You can kill an encounter instantly with poor use of humor.

Let’s get further into this. If you are light hearted with your humor, it will elevate the attraction and trust she’ll feel in you. It will deflate the anxiety and allow a relaxed mood to prevail.

If you mistime a joke, or use a risque joke too early, you’ll do just the opposite as stated above. Odds are, you’ll alienate her if not enough intimacy has been established.

It’s critical to pay attention here. Humor is intrinsic to flirting, but you need to avoid the pitfall of bad timing or ill thought out jokes. In essence, it’s an unavoidable part of the game.

You need to establish that you can be playful and lighthearted with her on some level. If you don’t have the ability to be that way with her, the relationship could be in trouble.

If you can establish this early, it’s great. In fact, the earlier the better! You can try an opener laced with humor to get things going.

For example, if it’s pouring and you mention how lovely the weather is, and she’s already signaled nonverbally that she’s interested, then you’ll get a positive response that takes the awkwardness out of the meeting.

Once mutual attraction is established, then the using humor will be natural to the both of you. The natural instinct is to make the other person stay interested, and by making them smile, it’s a positive affirmation towards that.

A good technique is playful teasing. It’s common, accepted, and it allows both parties to give personal details in a light and fun manner. Reciprocal disclosure can happen in this manner too.

The biggest mistakes you can make is to go to extremes while using humor. For example, using too much humor, or monopolizing the joke telling. That goes along with the article on turn taking – it’s very important to acknowledge that rule.

And don’t worry if a woman doesn’t joke along with you the whole time. Women will have a tendency to under use humor or be subtle about it. Look for her signs of interest, rather than if she jokes back.

Keep an eye out on the whole process. Are you over doing it? Under doing it? Let her signals be your guide. It takes practice but with time you’ll be able to make her laugh without effort.

Coming up next, I’ll show you the best way to walk away – how to close correctly and get out of there while being fresh on her mind!

Take the time to work on your verbal skills – particularly, the rules governing conversation, as well as your ability to work with the rhythm of the conversation, and I guarantee you that your flirting skills will increase dramatically.

In this article, I’ll cover a conversational function of verbal flirting that will enhance it’s effect.

The idea is of reciprocal disclosure. This, at first appearance, seems to be a bit of a minor issue. It can be, but it can make the situation between you and a girl you are flirting with feel very awkward if the idea isn’t honored.

In essence, when you reciprocate with your disclosure, what you are doing is sharing something personal with the woman; in turn, she’ll generally share something with you in return.

And vice versa – if she reveals something personal to you, you should immediately reciprocate.

It can be innocent – the fact that you enjoy certain types of movies, or a certain type of food. It’s not what IS personal, rather than the sharing process that is so effective.

When you continue in that direction, you are creating greater flirtation, and as well, more rapport.

It’s ideal to continue. You will slowly escalate the intimacy between you and her.

You have to maintain balance while this is happening – make sure the disclosures are “equal” in a sense – the level of personal information disclosed should be roughly equal.

As always, pay attention to the signs accompanying her disclosure. If there are other signs of flirtation present, assume that it is a sign of interest. Often times, women will mistakenly make the mistake of revealing too much of this information WITHOUT being interested or available.

Why is this? It can be a variance that is dependent on where they live. A woman from a smaller town might be more likely to disclose to you than someone from a busy city. Likewise, the rules are different depending on the country you are in.

Without this type of interaction happening, the general issue you can possibly face is an awkward stalling of the conversation. In other words, it is essential. You will need to watch for this disclosure, or when the opportunity arises, interject it yourself.

If you have reached this point, you’ve probably garnered some interest from her. This is very much end game when it comes to flirting.

So watch for it. And definitely practice. Coming up, I’ll write about a unique way to use humor to increase your flirting skills dramatically!